Pleasure on the edge of danger is sweet.

As above, so below. The zodiac in the sky is imprinted in the body. The galaxa goes through the belly.

Can anyone deny that we are haunted? What is it that crouches under the myths we have made? Always the physical presence of something split off...we compulsively act out the drama of our beginning, when what was whole, halved, and seeks again its wholeness.

The thinking gut. The concept of being whole and being halved and yearning for that other piece of you that you once seemed to have forever. It is easy to take advantage of the things that seem impossibly permanent. Things get taken away and things become available. It all evens out in the end.

Sex was a concept that I couldn't conceive. Was it television? Or maybe my dad's porn that I found and masturbated to until they were moved for an unknown reason...the sounds of my mom with her partner coming from beneath the door? How could she not realize that we all heard it? I heard those sounds and blushed madly, repulsed at the sound and embarrassed with my friends over, angry that she didn't take it into consideration.

Sex became a real issue when I kissed the first boy. Not just a kiss...a real "make out session". I drove home from his house (he couldn't even drive yet) talking aloud to myself and trying to understand why I didn't derive any pleasure from the excess saliva and bad tongue placement.

I woke up the morning after andre feigler's 16th birthday party. Elizabeth was one of us. She was a part of our small group of friends. One of my best friends. She was on my left side and john on my right. I slowly woke up and slowly noticed the pressure of her foot on mine. A shock went through my lower stomach and up my chest. I moved closer. It all started there. with a touch, a teenage crush. It turned from that small foot touch that she was unaware of into a kaleidescope of possibilities, then realities, then memories.

the unpredictable wild card. i have drawn a new card and it was certainly a wild card. free for all. unexpected and a rush of everything. she makes me feel like i can't remember feeling with elizabeth. kelley marie is a buoy that keeps me floating.