Even farther away, I hear the soprano solo...

"totam tibi subdo me. sweetest one, i give myself to you completely."

in the realm of possibility he says "when the love comes before the sex, you worry that it will somehow change, alter the love. and when the sex comes before the love, you worry that the sex will destroy the love ultimately."

i have experienced both. there is no way to ever prepare yourself for what will come, to pinpoint the phenomena that may have predestined the finality of the love. there can be love without sex and sex without love, certainly. they are really two separate concepts, but we use them to explain the other so often.

::when the love comes first, there is a beginning that is only based on the true desire and lust and beauty that you experience with the other. the innocent notes with words and words tumbling down the pages. the look between the two of you that no one else notices or could possibly understand. and when the sex comes it is just as innocent as the developing love. you experiment with the body parts of each other, you explore the body and realize that there is so much more that can be found when clothes are gone and shame is cast off. the love then grows with this secret knowledge that you hold dear. keep close. want no one else to ever ever see.

::sex attracts us each other. we can see it in the eyes, the hands, the legs and the mouth. we resonate with sex daily. we are intrigued by the strangers that are around us on the streets, in classes, driving next to us on the highway. sex comes first and then there is the very small chance that this could be developed into a love. a love that makes you want them even after you've come. sex does not create love, though. not at all. but sometimes it does and this is what makes sex so very dangerous.