i wrote you letters, i wrote you volumes.

i have never been so happy with the idea of uncertainty.
i am, though. i feel like i can make choices without second and third and fourth guessing them. i'm living how i want to and not letting anyone change that. last night i smoked in my new room in my new house and drank good beer. by the time the others had gone to sleep i was left in my room to watch a bad ben stiller movie. it was time, way past, to go to sleep. i couldn't. i felt the serious need to feel something. my body was slightly buzzing with the need to feel someone else, feel delicious waves of sex and crests of lips.
this didn't happen, obviously. i went to sleep and woke up to my own bed. comfortable. in my own room. new.change.sleep.wait.come.let.fall.turn.stop.
the library is the best place to write blog entries. the things that you never let yourself think about all come up and spill out my fingertips onto the keyboard.
the rise, the fall. you play, you win. you play, you win, you play, you lose.
it's the playing that matters.